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WONDER BREAD FOREVER!

Bread Best Of album cover

THIS IS IT, this is it, this is it! The wimps rule. There's no doubt about it. AM critters like Steely Dan and King Harvest and Christie and the Rowan Brothers and even your old standard favorites like the Hollies and the Guess Who have nothing, absolutely nuttin', in comparison with this shimmering tribe. Bread beats 'em all.

Yet, it's a shame that heavy-metal snobbery has overlooked such craftsmen. Like, if Uriah Heep or Argent or Nitzinger gets a hit, it's OK, but if Bread makes the top o' the charts, it's just yukky and "Commercial Bullshit." Well, you fuckers, that ain't so, cause Bread is entitled to a little fame and glory with all the hits they've had under their belt. I don't give a shit what people say – if a group has had several hits, well, then they must have something. That includes the Raiders, Peter and Gordon, the Archies, the Osmonds and the Royal Guardsmen.

However, Bread ain't simply novelty music or a brand of bubblegum humming. The lead vocalist can sing, the production is professional, but most important, the band rocks. I'm not kidding. The entire second side is the best collection of rock'n'roll fever since side one of The Best of the Guess Who or Slade Alive or Tyranny and Mutation. I swear I've listened to that side as much as twenty times in one day, and I ain't played nothing that often since Exile on Main Street. The songs have all the breezy whiz of AM classics but they're placed in the proper order and plenty enuf is going on to hold your attention. It's like bats beating on your car windshield.

Agreed, tho, Bread can be fairly sappy at times. Side one combines all the mush appeal of syrupy Buffalo Springfield and the sugary tears of Helen Reddy, but this really shouldn't prove to discouraging. I mean, the songs are still awfully goddamn pretty and they're so catchy that you'll find yourself singing along in no time. And even if the softies rarely get yer heart afluttering, well, the songs still contain enuf clichés to keep ya in stitches for months.

Nevertheless, what most peons despise about Bread, I think, is their polish and flair for a certain amount of elaborate good taste in pop muzak construction. Yet, this I feel is Bread's major ingredient and what really makes 'em so enjoyable. In short, it's their attempts at attaining some sorta "normal" level of good taste which actually gives them their Tastelessness which is so admirable. You can hear exact same thing in other groups, too. Certainly it's this quality which makes the Shocking Blue or the Merry-go-Round so appealing. They don't strive for anything but professional perfection either.

I admire the Bread culture. You see the archetypal Bread fans with their boutique flairs and their $35 shirts and their straight, neatly-combed moptops and wide belts and polished boots and you just wanna squeeze em. Never mind that they listen to Blood, Sweat and Tears. It's enuf have sufficient monopoly on the southern college music scene to get at least every jukebox in every burger joint to include at least 25 selection slots for Bread.

Like, Bread is everywhere