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THE IDIOCRACY OF FACEBOOK

Here's the kind of thing your FB friends sometimes suggest you do on Facebook. The idea here is to write down 25 random thoughts that you think are clever and will make others scream with laughter.

Here's how three rock writers (whatever THAT means these days) wasted their time with this idiotic exercise.

[PLEASE do not leave your unkind comments after reading this buffoonery. Send your notes of complaint to the geeks at Facebook. We were just following directions.]

BALONEY BLADDER (Pop Used to Matter)
1. I do not like doing things like this.
2. Every day I try to watch five minutes of The Honeymooners.
3. I would write all day if I could but then I would have to eat and bathe.
4. Nature creeps me out sometimes.
5. There are lots of worms where I live.
6. Elvis and Jesus, that's it.
7. A framed photo of a typewriter sits in front of my desk.
8. I have a love/hate relationship with television.
9. When I was a TV critic in Washington DC, I wrote an entire story about me falling off the roof trying to fix my TV antenna because the reception was so bad and I wanted to see The Outer Limits. The whole thing was a lie.
10. I once interviewed ABBA over the phone while I was using the toilet (the truth).
11. I was once almost beat up by Rod Stewart in his hotel room because I called him a faggot.
12. There is nothing better to eat than real barbq from the south with coca-cola followed by homemade ice cream. You can’t convince me otherwise.
13. The South is STILL underrated.
14. I think that the best states in America are Mississippi and New Jersey. Virginia is probably the worst but doesn’t know it.
15. California is way way way overrated, but Los Angeles may be the greatest city in the Universe.
16. My goal is to make a non-narrative movie that will be very hard to watch but will be accepted a cinematic art.
17. I rarely go to bed hungry.
18. I think that Stephen King is the best entertainment columnist in the biz right now.
19. I know exactly why psychologically, and I ain’t telling, but my favorite genre of film is horror, and I don’t really care how gorey or gruesome.
20. I believe our society is unhealthy because it is way too oversexualized, but that doesn’t bother me frankly, but we should think of the kids.
21. I wish all snakes were killed today.
22. The whole world could blow up, but, with the exception of family and friends, all I would really need would be the Turner Classic Movie channel.
23. When in doubt, lo-fi is the way to go.
24. My mind went blank.
25.  [I can't count to 25.]

JOHNNY BLACK (Mojo Muskrat Love)
1. I despise lists as a means of making magazines acceptable fodder for people who really don’t like to read, but I like lists when made for fun.
2. I have an old printers’ wooden tray over my desk which i’m gradually filling with sci fi figures which i find in flea markets etc.
3. I have written three novels and haven’t yet had one published but I’m not giving up because i like doing it.
4. I usually hate blogs but this one works like having a dinner table chat with friends.
5. We have three cats (Doogle, Florence and Zebedee), one dog (Charlie) and two goldfish (The Fish and Country Joe)
6. I don’t think there’s any reason why we exist. We just do and that’s fine by me.
7. I’m ambivalent about religion. Ultimately, I think it’s one of the most destructive concepts ever dreamed up but, on the other hand, it comforts a lot of people who’d prefer not to have to think about big questions.
8. I love magical realism, but don’t believe in magic.
9. I used to always wear black socks to keep things simple. Then other people in our household also started wearing black socks so it got complicated. Now I wear black socks with coloured heels and toes.
10. Me and my mate Nic Dartnell once re-formulated all of human knowledge into three basic tenets, as follows. a) the universe is full of stuff, b) sometimes the stuff gets jiggled about a bit and I can’t remember what c) was. Life’s like that.
11. When bedazzled by too many channels on tv I often default to really useless 70s British tv series like UFO or Space 1999 or The New Avengers. Maybe it’s just that I like to feel superior.
12. One of the worst crimes of Tony Blair’s government was foisting the illusion of choice on us. Do we really want 50 different kinds of shampoo in the shops? How does it help society to be able send our children to schools further away from their homes?
13. I’ve lost the economic plot. I used to vaguely understand how money worked. Now it seems that even economists don’t understand the monster they’ve created.
14. Jules and The Polar Bears were seriously under-rated.
15. My wife’s maden name was Carol White. She is now Black. Kind of the anti-Jacko, I suppose.
16. I never understood why people thought The Matrix was a clever movie.
17. I don’t read fiction half as much as I should.
18. Krazy Kat is the best cartoon strip ever, closely followed by Little Nemo.
19. Anything that people do to attract attention and/or outrage on a record nowadays was done already by The Fugs in the mid-sixties.
20. I bite my fingernails, but only after they’ve grown so long that they’re making playing the three chords I know on my guitar difficult.
21. I like reptiles and insects, except the two-legged ones who run the world.
22. My daughter and I were in a car that was hit by an articulated lorry last Saturday on the motorway on the Welsh side of the Severn Bridge. We were pushed 200 yards and survived with no injuries.
23. The law of gravity’s a friend of mine, It’s a sensible law, I think it’s fine. (Stolen from Peter Stampfel)
24. The food of the Gods is probably cheesecake, or maybe black pudding, although when I eat a toasted corned beef sandwich I’m inclined to think it’s kind of magical.
25. My body twitches before I fall asleep, like it’s discharging electricity. I look forward to that feeling every night. It’s lovely.

     
JEREMY GLUCK (Hit Parader)
1. I am concerned to share ideas on how to emotionally blackmail daughters out of ideas of “careers” and into ideas of giving one grandchildren.
2. I am sick of comments ’bout the ‘Summer Fun’ vid on YouTube that ridicule my lip sync debacle.
3. I was too in awe of John Entwistle to speak to him (at the ICA 25th Anniversary Who exhibit back in the day) and still regret it.
4. I suffer from Obsessive Computer Disorder.
5. I watch The Sopranos and The Wire with almost fetishistic regularity.
6. I have gone from mysticism to atheism in a single bound. Dammit, they’re the same thing.
7. I once saw the cast of Coronation Street in full costume taking their lunch at Granada.
8. Shortly after the above happened a Barracudas poster appeared in the pub in Coronation Street. And people say there ain’t an Illunimati!
9. I never thought I would say it, but I’m bored…with Iggy Pop.
10. I want to see ‘All in the Family’ again.
11. I love ‘Interiors’ by Woody Allen. (Yes, I am a million laughs!)
12. I’ve done many, many interesting things, including see Krishnamurti speak before he died, and he was and still is about the only one of his kind I have any time for, apart from Ramana Maharshi.
13. I have been divorced twice, once from the ex and once from reality.
14. I have met Death and aliens but neither were as weird as me.
15. I used to read Castaneda and actually try the stuff. I had a huge bank of green fog appear in my room. I wouldn’t recommend it.
16. Around the time the above occurred I stayed up all night to read Mailer’s ‘The Naked and the Dead’.
17. I think ‘Crime and Punishment’ is the best novel ever written.
18. I’ve done a lot of cutup in my time.
19. My first novel is a classic. I should know.
20. Working with Marty Thau is cool. I never woulda seen it coming but it is awesome.
21. I have no fear of death nor interest in an afterlife. Everything worthwhile, from ‘Louie Louie’ on down, is here on Earth.
22. I love the ‘Taken’ series about alien abduction.
23. The New Age thing makes me puke. You have an ego. Get over it.
24. I know the future precedes the past.
25. I am Lazarus.